Right off the top here is my disclaimer in fine print of course:
The below is straight from the heart and written in hopes to share with all readers with ZERO condemnation, confrontation, jealousy, hurt, condescension, or to insinuate in any way... remember that this is just a blog and a way to express to myself.
If you are reading this blog then I would call you my friend (unless you are some stranger who bc I have not made my blog private just stumbled onto this WONDERFUL post)... so please know that I do cherish your friendship and the things that you provide to my family and I.
That being said I will get to point (sort of :-)) My family and I are approaching a 1 year anniversary in April for our time here in Singapore... although I have learned alot over here one thing that I have struggled with, prayed about, overcome, struggled again, battled with, shed tears over, laughed about, worried about, thought about the MOST is.... FRIENDSHIP.
Yesterday I was in a leadership meeting for MOPS at my church and the devotion was about Friendship. I was touched so much that I thought I would share my thoughts.
Most of you are in America but I know there are a few readers here in Singapore, Norway, Hong Kong, Guam, Thailand, Alaska... and I love you all but most of us have experienced in our lifetime for whatever reason a realization of "TRUE FRIENDS" the friends that are there no matter what... a loss of a child/parent/spouse, postpartum, divorce, a move, an international move (:-0), a struggle, depression, becoming a millionaire, loosing all your money, or just when life could not be any better (yes I meant better).
If you know me I have always had the "more the merrier" philosophy when it comes to friends... I like most of you have always had a very close group of friends in different stages of my life (for example in High School our group was called the Posse 5 but now I am only friends with one of them) but living here in Singapore I have experienced something that I have never experienced before. I am very reluctant to invest in friendships on a deeper level then just hanging out bc I know someday I will HAVE to say Goodbye, which makes me very sad.
When you move away (and I know I am preaching to the choir here) you really learn who your "true friends" are... the ones that are always there for you... but sadly you also realize who are the ones that have forgotten you (out of sight out of mind). I am not placing blame on anyone but me bc I am half of the problem... my husband has always told me that when you live in another country you learn who your friends back home really are... now I know what he was talking about. That being said how do you make lasting friendships in another country knowing that I will soon leave them behind in a place I use to call home.
Don't get me wrong... making lots of memories over here with some amazing people... but how does one go about investing in a person (What we are called to do... John 5) knowing that you are leaving in less than a year. OK another disclaimer (bc I just read through this and I just need to make another disclaimer)... I have friends here in Singapore so before you start to get either worried about me or mad at me... I have some good people around me and I love them dearly... I am just saying that I have found it more difficult here to really put my heart out, open up with more people, share struggles, love on each other, etc... what I love to do... why is that?
Not sure of the answer but today I choose to remember that this is not my home... tomorrow is never promised...friendships last a lifetime... to leave a legacy... love my neighbors as though I will be here forever.
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12 comments:
What a sweet and serious post. I love the verse "A friend loves at all times," maybe they don't talk all the time, or visit all the time, but they love you all the time. I cherish the friendships that can just pick up where they left off (and i've moved a lot, so I know what I'm talking about). I'm SOOOO blessed to have 3 sisters who are friends forever...and blessed to have YOU!
Oh, Camille, I see my future in this post. As I'm getting ready to say goodbye to DEAR friends here in Houston, it will be hard to want to go through that again. I struggled with this when I lived in Thailand, and someone (I cannot remember who) gave me some great advice. You can't live your life holding back, afraid to say goodbye. If people are worth investing in, and they are, then you've got to live like it. If they are Christians, you know that one day you will see them again, maybe not this side of heaven, but it will be sweet nonetheless. You don't know what blessings you might miss if you hold back your friendship from people just because you'll have to say goodbye one day.
Hey Camille,
Not that my move was near as far as yours, but what I have realized looking back over my "moves" (high school to college, college to with Brody etc) is that I didn't start making friends until I opened up to others. I so desperately wanted to continue what I had at the previous stage that I spent time just being sad, lonely and in a state of idleness. I too LOVE my friends from every area of my life, but have finally been able to add friends when I got it through my head that I could continue being friends with my previous friends while also making and maintaining new friendships. I see your hesitation b/c you put so much into your friendships, but I figure that what is true in romance relationships is true of friendships. Better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all. Cheesy, but true and really you won't loose the relationship, but just grow differently being further apart. I am not doing so well practicing what I'm preaching, but I've opened up deeper to girls in my bible study and new friends/aquaintences and I've found that 1)they usually have something to share too and 2) they feel happy/valued that you felt they were trustworthy to share with. I miss the Houston group I was so comfortable with (including you, even though you're in Singapore), but am trying to make relationships here too. Hope all is well and miss you!
Wow, I can really relate to this. Having just moved last September to a new place in Alaska, and knowing we will probably move again in a year or so... after moving from Texas to be with my husband, then leaving a wonderful church family in New England to come to Alaska, then leaving a wonderful church family in Delta Junction to move here... I feel I am absolutely able to empathize with you, and I have had these thoughts myself. I suppose the conclusion I have reached is that I always need true friends where I live now, and I have to love in such a way that is unguarded and allows that to happen even though it hurts sometimes. I love and miss like crazy the family and friends that are so far away... but I can't close myself off from the friendships I desperately need TODAY. My husband is my best friend next to Jesus, and I am thankful that I get to go with him always, but I have had to choose to keep "putting myself out there", knowing that the friendships I make may only be for a season. It is hard. But I am so thankful to e-mail and blogs and all the cool ways we can stay in touch, even though it is never the same after we move. I can say that I miss the dear friends I made in Mexico and Thailand on mission trips, and also friends I had in Houston before I moved to be with Dave in New Hampshire, and I know that I may not ever make it to those places again to see them. It hurts to say that, and who really knows what God has planned for us, but I have to be realistic and think of family in Amarillo and Maryland and grandparents that want to see their grandson. So maybe I don't have any real encouragement for you here, other than to say that I can relate and to share that I am also trying to love in each new place I live with a whole heart. It is not easy, but I choose not to give in to fear. I choose not to be cynical about it all. And I remind myself that one day the ones I love, the ones with the same love for our Savior and our very Best Friend of all, will be with me in heaven for all of eternity. And that makes me smile.
Thank you for sharing your heart here. I love how I am coming to a closer friendship with you through your blog, and I am thankful for the encouragement in Christ I receive through your faith and your perspectives. May God bless you when you feel lonely, and may He sustain friendships and always bring special new friends into your life.
Hey C - just know I'm saying a special prayer for you today. I really loved getting to see you and hang out for a little while. Hope you and your boys have a wonderful day today.
Thank you all for your comments, emails and support... I do not deserve you.
That was a good post. I know I don't stay in touch enough. I'm sorry. Know y'all are in our prayers. Can't wait to see y'all. Hopefully we won't have a sick child the next time we get a chance. :)
We miss all three of you! It's just not the same in the neighborhood.
What I have learned is this, regardless of being high school friends, college friends, church friends, etc.; is that "friends" can pick up conversation and fellowship as if they just saw each other yesterday. From observing my parents and other wise elders, it seems that you really wind up with a handful of "deep" friendships as you grow older. For those of us with large family's, the family itself tends to take up half of that hand.
My brother moved to SD from Georgia in 1995. I moved to Texas in 1999. Regardless of the time apart, we know each other like the back of our hand and we can go months without speaking, yet pick up where we left off when we do.
There is a reason that you are attracted to your friends. Unless, say they were your literal partner-in-crime and you had a conversion to Christ, at the core, you probably both don't change much over time. That is why it is easy to pick up where you left off.
Wow..I was reading your blog specefically today because I needed your address... When I do read, I don't normally comment, but I have to today...I am definately going to develope meaningful friendships here in NY. I feel the same way, but I still have 2 more years here! I am going to read up on John 5 too for some serious motivation! Thanks for sharing you heart! You are soooo loved! Erin
Camille,
This post really hit home with me. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I'm right there with you! I think we just have to accept that people will always be coming and going in our lives and we have to make the most of our time with them. I'm praying for you and LOVE reading your blog. We're sending our thoughts and love to you Singapore!
Girl...I love it when people are real and share whats on their heart! I said a prayer for you when I first read this and have been meaning to comment but...well anyways Im now getting to it! :) You and I are alot alike..we know this ;) and it is fun being outgoing and friendly with everyone, meeting new people, seeing new surroundings...living life the fun way..but it IS friends, true friends who care about how you are, whats on your heart, and how God is working in your life....Thank you for the blog...Im so in love with the blog world...a way to share whats going on in our lives with others....friends or strangers..who may see Jesus in our lives... And we see him in yours! He has blessed you with a beautiful family, an amazing opportunity to live over there for now...and he shines through you! Hope we can see ya and hug ya on your next trip to your familiar "home" but encouraging you to live everyday to the fullest bc Jesus could come back tomorrow!! LOVE YOU!!
I'm talking to you right now, so that means I'm a TRUE FRIEND!!!!! Love you, girl and that was a great post!
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